Endings

There have been a couple endings in my life so far. Leaving high school, having to give up sports, graduating college, and then along the way friends. I don't like endings. I don't cope well with it.

Like first high school, it wasn't so much of a impact at first. The sports was. I was used to playing basketball, volleyball, track, and swim. So to then go to college and really only be competitive in volleyball was hard. Specially to go to the games or just go for a swim, just felt like I had an old life that I loved and I couldn't get back.

And it doesn't help that I am a very tentative and protective person (of myself and then the ppl that I do actually let in). So to make friends is hard. So to let go of the ones that were my friends is even harder for me.

Getting my Bachelors was like a bitter sweet thing. I was happy that I didn't have to go back to class or take a frickin exam, but then I was also like okay now what do I do with my life?!

Really though, when I have gotten a job I've poured myself into it. You ask me to do something and I have to do it. I can't give up and it has to be well at least as best as I can possibly do it. It's perfect in my eyes, maybe not yours, but it is in mine.

I think that's why it's so hard for me to give up Ed. It's an end of Ed. And I've poured myself into him for so long that I am hesitant to walk away. I have had to build myself up every time that I have chose to then not let Ed in or at least not listen to Ed.

I'm hoping one day I can look back and see this and think that this was my ending to my new beginning of life. Hopefully a good one for that as well.